back from the dead.

whoa. i can't believe i completely forgot about this blog. damn! july, august, september, october, november, december, january, february. it's been 8 months since my last post. whoa. really.

anyways... it's hard to imagine that it's already 2010. time sure flies by so suddenly. i'll be turning 20 on 02/20. ha! funny numbers! :D

well i guess nothing much has changed these past few months. mag-iisang taon na ko sa work. which is kinda cool. haha. but then again, so are my friends... marami sa kanila graduating na by next year. i wish them the best!

lately i've been venting out my inner art-ism (or should i say autism) through simple songs. (na wala namang tono. psshh... yeah right. i don't even play the guitar.. how in the world will i get these done?!) but still, it's fun writing songs even if they're just poems. ^^,

here are the ones i've written so far:

BREAK IN ENCOUNTER

I.
gusty winds of post-fall, pre-winter
dirty stains were scattered all over
the second floor bedroom on your apartment
broken lock of backdoor in the basement

I start to wonder and try to consider
"did someone break in and try to enter?"
tiny, broken pieces of shattered equipment
hurry, internalize your rules of engagement

Chorus
fear has eaten your judgement, you got no more time
mind in sudden impairment, hoping safety is sublime
fear has eaten your judgement, you got no more time
mind in sudden impairment, hoping safety is sublime

II.
a ghastly feeling from imagined disaster
3 am in the wall clock over the corner
walking slowly with resolved temperament
remember, be careful and just keep silent

at the distance, a shadow, unknown stranger
crawling at the dark, close quarter danger
not thinking, attack in a spur of the moment
bloodied face and stains on painted wall pavement

Chorus
fear has eaten your judgement, you got no more time
mind in sudden impairment, hoping safety is sublime
fear has eaten your judgement, you got no more time
mind in sudden impairment, hoping safety is sublime

Chorus
fear has eaten your judgement, you got no more time
mind in sudden impairment, hoping safety is sublime
fear has eaten your judgement, you got no more time
mind in sudden impairment, hoping safety is sublime

***

FIFTY-FIFTY

*why is it that sometimes your mind is thinking the complete opposite of what your heart is feeling?*

I.
thinking process on the edge
absolute equality in my mind
lure me out of this chaos
balance of opposing sides

fifty percent negativity
fifty percent positivity
the logic wants to forget you
but the heart can't escape you

Chorus:
can you explain to me, remind me
your face is everywhere
oh never mind me, don't judge me
shackled from a nightmare
can't you see me, just leave me
i can no longer bear
it can't be, past behind me
you just don't care

II.
wise decision with rotten judgment
fond memories from b-side stories
mind unharmed from distractions
heart sulking in senseless pathos

fifty percent negativity
fifty percent positivity
the logic wants to forget you
but the heart can't escape you

Chorus:
can you explain to me, remind me
your face is everywhere
oh never mind me, don't judge me
shackled from a nightmare
can't you see me, just leave me
i can no longer bear
it can't be, past behind me
you just don't care

fifty percent negativity
the logic wants to forget you
fifty percent positivity
but this heart can't escape you

***

YOU TALK TOO MUCH FOR SOMEONE SO SPEECHLESS

I.
i've got nothing more
than an empty voice
at the back of my head
screaming and shouting

all i can feel from here
the sacrifice of a martyr
bleeding hips and shattered voices
petty quarrels and stupid choices

Chorus
keep on the lookout and severe the connection
turn the lights out then end this confusion
sorry, get out of here, you're too damn careless
really, you talk too much, for someone so speechless

II.
i've got something more
i wanna say to you
but the ache in my heart
flinching and unwilling

all i want from you
is for you to love me too
drenching lips from wasted chances
doubtful angles from dodging glances

Chorus
keep on the lookout and severe the connection
turn the lights out then end this confusion
sorry, get out of here, you're too damn careless
really, you talk too much, for someone so speechless

all i can hear from you
is a hollow voice of emptiness
all i want from you
is to cure my loneliness

i wanna say to you...
but the ache in my heart...

Chorus
keep on the lookout and severe the connection
turn the lights out then end this confusion
sorry, get out of here, you're too damn careless
really, you talk too much, for someone so speechless

***

FORCED OPPOSITION

I.
shadow of illuminating comet
separated by the visible sunset
magnify this sporadic heartbeat
does it ever make you weak?

heart on full rotation motion
body spinning in full revolution
these visions of lilies and daisies
and make-believe cheesy fantasies

counter measures of a broken heart
a simple balance of right and wrong
constant silence of our distance apart
overdose with alcohol intoxication
calling all the devils and angels
define this battle of opposing angles

II.
sharp scissor cutting plain white paper
sweeping small pieces of torn up letters
a grenade explosion of hate and anger
nullified the magnitude of eventful disasters

lung asphyxiation from blood transfusion
through sheer will and determination
caused a negativity of subatomic particles
thus our lost history and burned down articles

counter measures of a broken heart
a simple balance of right and wrong
constant silence of our distance apart
overdose with alcohol intoxication
calling all the devils and angels
define this battle of opposing angles

***

GHOST OF VOICES

I.
just woke up this morning
looking at my damp and misty window
6 am struck in my alarm clock
it's raining outside, it's raining outside

black frame hanging on the wall
with your picture beside my mirror
i see your face and i feel the distance
you're so far away, you're so far away

Ref.
i just don't want to remember
and i want to forget it all

Chorus
why did it have to happen?
time is running out, hurrying up to you
running frantic and out in the distance
i stop, and i don't know what to do

II.
used to meet you everyday
we'd talk always, come what may
but i get this empty feeling inside
i don't want this, i don't want this

you we're waiting for me
woke up late, and didn't even realize
standing in our meeting place
knife behind your back, saw blood graze

Ref.
i just don't want to remember
and i want to forget it all

Chorus
why did it have to happen?
time is running out, hurrying up to you
running frantic and out in the distance
my heart is burning, my heart is burning

III.
your picture, falling down the bedroom floor
cracking glass, splinters like blades of grass
i picked you up, looking at the mirror
gunpoint, crack down, shot down, bloodied wall

Chorus
why did it have to happen?
time is running out, hurrying up to you
running frantic and out in the distance
we see each other, make it last forever

***

WARMTH

I.
she said hey what are you thinking?
side by side in a backdrop, sweet sunset
inside her bedroom, closed door open closet
lying on her bedroom floor, what am i thinking?

you wanna know what I'm thinking?
turned left, by the door wearing pink corset
I looked at her, attractive like a magnet
Turn on, Hard on, you get the feeling?

Ref.
as beautiful as the heavens
white skin, amber hair, red lips
femme fatale, iron maidens
dirty thoughts, she posed, pink corset

Chorus
i'll stand up for you, come and get you
allured by sweet scent, all logic bent
i'll strip you, just the way you want me to
make love with consent, let's enjoy this moment

II.
she said hey what are you thinking?
side by side on her comfy, warm bedset
bodies touching, soft pillows warm blanket
saw her weak demeanor, what am i thinking?

right now i got this feeling
faced her, over her, beneath a warm blanket
kissed her lips, and then her forehead
we love each other, is what i'm thinking

Ref.
as beautiful as the heavens
white skin, amber hair, red lips
femme fatale, iron maidens
dirty thoughts, she posed, pink corset

Chorus
i'll stand up for you, come and get you
allured by sweet scent, all logic bent
i'll strip you, just the way you want me to
make love with consent, let's enjoy this moment


Final Chorus
i'll always love you, never leave you
keep doing warm accent, love you is what it meant
need me beside you, sure be happy to
make love with consent, let's enjoy this moment

***

POINTLESS

I.
broken hearts collide
it's come to this
she's got nothing to hide
a deafening bliss

liquid mercury pouring down
grit teeth and sweaty lips
cold snaps of empty silence
miss your existence

Ref.
we just couldn't avoid it
did my best to hide it
then you said we're over
worry broken, it's now then never

Chorus I.
i used to hear it from you
sometime back then, somewhere back there
romance executed, somehow we can't remember
time passed by, distance and cold shoulders
you hate to say it, don't wanna hear it
back then was endless, but now just pointless

II.
her tears on the floor
she left me hanging
my cold shivering heart
can't say anything

full clip loaded, silver bullets
squeeze the handle, bloody harvest
down this barrel of 8 millimeter
hurry, just pull the trigger

Ref.
we just couldn't avoid it
did my best to hide it
then you said we're over
worry broken, it's now then never


Chorus II.
you used to hear it from me
sometime back then, somewhere back there
romance executed, somehow we can't remember
no more contact, crossed frosty fingers
i hate to say it, don't wanna hear it
back then was endless, but now just pointless

we hate to say it
since the beginning, it was just pointless

Chorus III.
i used to hear it from you
sometime back then, somewhere back there
romance executed, somehow we can't remember
time passed by, distance and cold shoulders
you hate to say it, don't wanna hear it
back then was endless, but now just pointless

it wasn't endless
just plain pointless

***

ayan. i know. corny. but i still made them. i'm proud of them. ^^

Aya Hirano

SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL. O.o

They say the Devil's water it ain't so sweet. You don't have to drink right now.

bakit kaya parte ng pagtanda ang magkamali sa buhay?

palagi na lang sinasabi na bago magmature ang tao, kelangan niya munang matuto sa pagkakamali niya. ang weird... pero siguro ganun lang talaga ang buhay. ginawa tayo ng Diyos na hindi perpekto, para hindi natin makalimutan na tao lang tayo, at hindi na tayo maaring humigit pa doon. ang paghahangad ng sobra pa doon, yun na siguro ang nagdidikta kung tama pa ang ginagawa natin. ang maghangad nag naman ng sobra ay kasalanan na agad at wala na sa tama.

maraming beses nga nangyayari sa buhay ng tao yung ganun e, yun bang tipong maghanap pa ng sobra pa sa kung anung meron siya. at diyan nga talaga nagsisimula ang kasalanan. natural na sigurong ikinikilos ng tao yun, sa kahit saang lugar, o kahit anong oras o panahon, o maski na lahi pa ang pag-usapan. kasi kung titignan mo, yung simpleng humirit ka ng 123 sa jeepney, pangkaraniwan na yan lalo na kung ikaw yung tipo na sobrang tipid to the point na minsan wala na sa katarungan. (haha) pangkaraniwan na actually yung 123 sa mga tao, pero kung iisipin mo kawawa din yung mga drayber ano? binibili nila yung gas nila tapos di binabayaran. (haha) aba para kang nagpakain ng goto nun tapos aalis lang bigla yung customer mo pagkaubos ng isang mangkok. badtrip nga. (haha) ang simple simpleng mga bagay na taken for granted sa buhay, pero di natin alam nagkakasala na tayo. (haha) ika nga ng matatanda, natural lang daw yun, parte nga naman daw ng pagiging praktikal sa buhay. "ang matutong manggulang paminsan-minsan". waw. binibigyang katarungan ang isang pagkakasala. (haha) ganyan talaga ang tao, natural ang magkasala. pwede mo nga ring sabihin na hindi ka tao kapag hindi ka nagkakasala ng at least 20 times a day e. (syempre nacurious ka na ngagyon at bibilangin mo na kung ilan ba nagin kasalanan mo mula pa kaninang pagkagising mo). e ano ang magagawa mo, ganito talaga tayo. importante din minsan yung nagkakamali tayo, kahit paminsan-minsan lang, syempre sana wag naman nating i-promote yung ganun. kasi pag nagkakamali tayo, naaalala natin na mayroong mas makapangyarihan sa itaas nating lahat, at hindi tayong tao ang naghahari dito sa mundo.

hindi natin alam, pero nandyan lang palagi sa paligid si Diablo. syempre sana naman wag niyong makita yung SIYA MISMO. wag ganun. wag ganun. bad yun. pag nakikita mo siya ng literal e wag ka nang magbasa ng blog na to. baka mamaya katabi mo lang siya, puntahan pa niya bahay ng nagtype nito. (haha) malalaman mo namang naandyan siya palagi e, lalung lalo na kapag gusto mong mag123 sa jeepney. e kapag alam mong andyan siya sa paligid, wag mo na lang pansinin. makita mo, yung dapat na gagawa ka ng mali, pwede mo pang iwasan. basta, pag naririnig mo bulong niya, takpan mo na lang tenga mo. iba pakinggan mo. si teacher, or si boss, or kung pwede sige kahit sermon na ng nanay at tatay mo. actually pointless pakinggan sermon ni mommy, kasi kapag nasermonan ka na, ibig sabihin bago ka pa mapagalitan narinig mo na bulong niya. (haha)

ayun lang naman. ewan ko kung cohesive o coherent ang message nitong blog na to. basta kasi napaisip lang ako sa ibig sabihin ng title ng post na to. lyrics kasi yan ng kanta ng THE KILLERS. ang pamagat ng kantang to na super ganda ganda talaga ay WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG. isang kanta na ang tanging mensaheng hatid lang sa ating mga tenga ay ang magkasala ay isang parte ng buhay na kailangang mangyari para matuto tayong maging mas malakas at matibay ang loob. na kapag nangyari na ay aasa na lang ulit tayo kay Jesus para iligtas tayo. hmmm... dapat mon pakinggan ang kantang to. o sige, punta na ng imeem. bago ka pa ulit magkasala diyan. nararamdaman ko na, mumurahin mo na ang nagtype ng post na to. sige lang......

They say the Devil's water it ain't so sweet. You don't have to drink right now.

But you can dip your feet, every once in a little while.

http://www.imeem.com/people/HoyzNd/music/SFYzAvDn/the-killers-when-you-were-young-acoustic/

MGa pagMuMuni-Muni ng isaNg Call Center AgeNt....

hello guys, ang tagal kong nawala.

kasalukuyan akong nasa work. ito, 1 and 1/2 hours pa bago matapos ang work. medyo naiinip na ako dito sa office. konti lang ang calls ngayon. lately nasanay na akong rumoronda-ronda sa floor kapag avail ako dito sa floor, which sa kasamaang palad ay may isang call ako na hindi ko nasagot, patay! oo, tama ka nga, CALL AVOIDANCE yun. lagot ako sa Team Manager ko, naku lagot na lagot talaga. Buti na lang e vacation leave ang karamihan sa kanila ngayun kaya sana naman ay mamiss ng Quality Monitoring yung call na yun, kasi kapag nabisto ako doon, punit talaga ako. tsk tsk... kakatapos ko lang ulit tumanggap ng tawag. ayun, ayos naman. ito ako, medyo nahihilo na. 4 kaming newbies dito sa floor. actually, 1st week ko pa lang to na Live sa floor. at ako lagi ang huling umuuwi. 7:04 AM na ngayun, onti na lang ang tawag. kaya nang avail ang 20-30 minutes. so basically baka isang tawag na lang ulit ang matanggap ko, e uuwi na rin ako. ayun yung isa kong kasama, pauwi na. kakatapos lang magcall out ng 1200 times sa customers niya para magverify ng service. hayop na mga ticket yan, pamapasakit lang ng ulo. ako currently may 3 ticket, which is sakto lang. pero putek na yan, verify service na lang may problema pa! kamote! ayun, naglog out na yung kasama ko. 2 na lang kami dito sa work station. yung isa kong kasama dito sa box, pauwi na din. 7:00 out pero nagkaroon pa siya ng buzzer beater call. yun ang mga pinakapang-asar na moment, yung tipong lalogout ka na lang ng callmaster mo, tipong out mo is 7:00, nagka-call ka 6:59:57 AM. pota talaga kapag ganun! minsan dapat magkakainan na kami ng mga kamote kong team mates sa carinderia, dati pa yun, sa luma kong account, ayun sabay sabay kaming maga-out, anak ng tinapa nagka-call ako! ayun, naiwan ako, ang malupit pa doon, Supervisor call nauwi yung pinutukan na customer na yun, ung 8:00 AM na out ko, naging 8:43 AM. pukinang inang yan, naprito na ulo ko, hindi pa nakasama sa kainan.! pagkatapos ko dun sa "THE BEST CALL" na yun, nakasalubong ko na sa elevator yung mga team mates ko, lahat sila busog na. ako kulot noo. haha. pero ok lang yun, isa lang talaga yun sa mga dillema ng pagiging isang call center agent. masaya, pero nakakainis. madali, pero nakakapagod.

isa sa mga malulupit na experience kapag call center agent ka e yung kapag queueing. oo queueing, medyo masakit sa mata ang spelling, pero ganyan talaga. Ang queueing ay yung kapag high call volume kayo sa floor at mas marami pa ang tumatawag kesa sa dami ng mga agent. in short, walang available na agent, at madami ang customer na nakahold sa line, at dahil lahat ng mga pinagpalang agent sa floor ay naka-auto in, pasok lang ng pasok ang mga tawag. pagtanggap mo ng tawag, resolve, baba ng phone si customer, pasok ang panibagong tawag! cool! exciting! it's just so GOOD kapag queueing!!! at sa sobrang sarap ng feeling ng walang patumanggang ngaragan ng panga at pagputok ng buchi mo sa mga frustrated na customer, e literally para ka nang letsugas pagkatapos ng work. letsugas, kasi bagsak na mga mata mo, tulala habang naglalakad pauwi, hukot ang balikat sa walang patumanggang pagtatype, bagsak ang panga sa walang humpay na pagsabi ng "may i put you on hold while i further research on our resources about this issue", at nasa state of euphoria ka na dahil sa taas ng stress na nag-accumulate dahil sa mga irate callers mo, na kapag binasa ang stress level mo, e 10 ito sa richter scale, kung saan nagpupumiglas na ang seismograph.

Ganyan kapag queueing, HINDI NAKAKATUWA.

isa pang mga joke time sa call center ay ung phonetics.

ito ang ilan sa kanila

(take note, Amerikano ang mga kausap dito)

a for armalite
q for quiapo
p for psycho
g for jesus
r for aragorn
f for fbi
z for zohan
x for triple xxx
w for wang-wang
s for escalate
e for experimental
b for biodegradable
c for combatron
k for katipunan
h for hieroglyphics
i for indio
o for ola

*note: kung matino kang agent at mahal mo ang trabaho mo, huwag gayahin ang mga nabanggit sa itaas.

ang bilis bilis talaga...

parang two years ago lang... 4th year high school pa ako.

ngayon, natatrabaho na ko, nakakagulat, andami-dami nang nanggyari, biruin mo, dalawang taon lang pala 'yun? dati, periodical exams lang ang pinoproblema ko. 2 years ago, i was still in a relationship, my first relationship, in fact. during my senior year, i always had the very least of worries. i used to only think about this and that, you know, kelan kaya magkakaroon ng cut na classes, or ano kaya ang sunod na maidrawing, minsan ultimo lessons sa room, kahit wala naman talagang ginagawa, umaangal pa 'ko. ngayon, ang iniintindi ko na, hindi dapat ako umabsent, kundi affected ang matrix ko, o kaya naman, kelan kaya ulit ako makakapagpahinga ng maayos, kelan ko kaya mafifix ulit ang body clock ko, i think i'm insomniac, magkano kaya susuwelduhin ko next pay day?... ibang-iba na talaga, ibang-iba.

you know, sometimes when i try to think of it, i think that me working at a young age is also good for me at the very least, kasi kahit papano, naexpose na ko sa "real world" ika nga ng mga matatanda. at first, i always was so careless and care-free. now, that i understand how hard it is to work for a living and earn money, i finally realize that money is not always there. that's why now i appreciate that i have what i have, you know, learn to appreciate things and be contented with it.

now, i'm ninteen years old, just one year away, and i'm not a teen-ager anymore. ang bilis bilis ng panahon. ngayon, i'm concerned at how i will take care of my future. things bother me sometimes, like kelan kaya ako gagraduate, or at least makapag-aral man lang ulit. ngayon kumikita na ko, and it feels good that you earn money, that's why it's hard to leave all these just to study again, alam niyo yun? masabi na lang na may natapos ka, kasi yan lang naman talaga ang ibig sabihin ng diploma ngayon e. pero i know, na i need it naman talaga, that's why studying again is quite a bother to me as of the moment. i really don't give a damn about relationships right now, seriously. i mean, i see a lot of single girls out there, pretty, simple, and kind. pero i don't make it a point to go out with them, not even think about it at the very least. hindi ko nga maayos ang buhay ko ngayon e, dadagdagan ko pa ng sakit sa ulo? haha. sure, oo, i admit that sometimes when i see couples out there walking together in a very sweet fashion, i feel envious, but then again, that can wait for me. i always make it a point to consider relationships the last choice in my prioritites as of now. love can wait, really. come to think of it, yung mga nakakasalubong ko na mga high school classmates ko dati, ngayon isa-isa na silang nagkakaroon ng kanya-kanyang boyfriends. nakakatawang isipin, kasi yung iba sa kanila, niligawan ko pa, yung iba naman never na may nanligaw o nagkagusto man lang for that matter noong high school, pero ngayon, mga lovely ladies na with matching holding hands with their boyfriends pa! haha, all these stuff, just within two years time. maybe ganito lang talaga, sa age ko na nagtatransition from young to adult, e sadyang mabilis lang ang pagbabago ng mga bagay-bagay sa paligid ko, which is kinda cool, because i get to experience a lot of new things.

it's PAY DAY!!!

oh shit.... I'm euphoric right now!

Give me some more ecstasy!!

today's my pay day.... and it's not just a normal pay day... because later I'll be receiving the first half of my signing bonus! AND NOW I'M FINALLY GONNA BE ABLE TO BUY ME MY DREAM CENTRAL PROCESSING UNIT!! (CPU) yeah... I'm buying a new CPU.

Congratulations, Ande. You nailed it again!


oh by the way...

look at this one...

Michelangelo. TMNT.
oh yeah.

back to work,,,, geeezz...

I need more vacation.

...
...
...

can't believe tomorrow i'll be coming back to work already.


...


seriously
...
I REALLY need more vacation.

today's my last vacation day and i spent half the day sleeping in bed... well i guess that's natural coz yesterday i was like awake for 21 hours...

last night my cousin dropped by, and we played DoTA for 4 hours. from 12 midnight to 4 in the friggin' morning. freakish huh? i might as well turn into a zombie or something. then maybe i'll be included in the cast of one of those freaky zombie horror flicks, like resident evil 4 or something like that. right. that's a good idea.

seriously, i need more vacation. like, say 1 week extension. it sucks when the vacation you have isn't enough. especially if it's coming-back-to-work eve. just like today. the other day i remember drawing a few pictures for my cousin, it's some sort of group project or something. he had me draw shrimps, there was the boastful shrimp, and five other little shrimps who always watched the boastful asshole. i had to color it so i used color pencils. it turned out quite well, besides the fact that it's been ages since i last drew (like 4 days).

this gorgeous (you have no idea, man.) officemate of mine asked if i could draw a picture of her. i said yes, wholeheartedly, with the dream of asking her to a date after i give her the drawing. but it was christmas eve, of course it was vacation time, that i knew that she just had a new boyfriend. and it sucks dude. well, it really wasn't a bother to me at all (don't believe me. I'm LYING). but i was planning on making her a portrait. but hell, i guess i won't be able to ask her out anymore (DREAM ON ASSWIPE!). so instead, i just drew her a cartoon version of herself. it turned out pretty well, though it didn't look very much like her, just a little. just a little like the way yoda looks like shrek.

i plan on giving it to her. hope i get a smooch on the cheeks! come to think of it, i guess i need a girlfriend now. coz seriously, i'm like always thinking to myself when i see some cute chick, "ooh... i definitely need those curves right now". it's just that i always contradict myself and say that girlfriends are worth nothing except someone to waste your money on. (to all the girlfriends out there, please don't pray for my untimely death .)

anyway, now that i realized that at work (coz i'm new to work) it's not a problem to have someone to hang out with. coz when you're both working, that means that you both have money. i'm sorry if i look like a money-obsessed martian invader here. i guess i'm just frustrated coz i'm penniless right now. haven't gotten my payslip yet. yeah, you're right. i'm such a loser! haha!

i instantly ran out of words. i just can't think of thinkable thoughts. well, i guess this is enough for now. anyway this blog already did its purpose. to relieve the stress of the sucker who's typing in front of the monitor right now coz he thinks that it's still too bothersome to go to work tomorrow already, which just came back to his mind and now he has to do this blog all over again to forget it again which he won't anymore because he'd look like a fool to the guys reading this and that he's just typing random thoughts and wasting time afterall. he should stop now because he's just wasting more time and there won't be any left to watch porn in the internet and that would be just too bothersome for him as well.

so why don't you just take a look at this drawing of yours truly so that you and i both would be happy and feel like there was some sort of holy reason for you to read this crap of a blog.

seriously... i need a girlfriend.

loser.